Solitude ...

Should be more than a year before when I started getting a hunch how will I manage or learn to live alone  without friends, relations and my city, country ... That was the time when I was totally filled with excitement and anxiety on taking up the onsite opportunity which hence forth made me blind by not thinking about the life of mine at that time . Though my world was smaller one still had so many cherishable moments ..Always subdued with loved ones, to mean exactly I love being surrounded by mere humans..

Originating from a family, where always  encircled with relations, it is tough to imagine an odd circumstance alone ..Scenes such  that when I wake up in the morning get to see.. my cousins getting ready to school, my chiti helping my sister to comb her hair ... My mother preparing breakfast for my dad and coffee for my chitapa and my paati who sits in the corner doing her morning bajans always happens in routine...My school days and even my college days had similar kind of scenes and never made me to feel alone ...

First instance when I stepped out of that little bunch was right after my college days .. Exactly by 2008, considering it I was lucky even here ...managed to get tied with the same guys, with whom I used to roam right from my school days.... My room mates and even my colleagues were the same old guys...To state, chap with whom I did my 1st standard wandered with me as a room mate. Hence the people within the bunch changed ,but the crowd remained as always ... So if you had asked me the definition of Solitude by that time, I never even would have searched for it ...I had no necessity to search for torch, since I did not find it dark till then..  The word 'Alone' was always missing in my life

Never even was interested to know whether I will enjoy loneliness or would be able to live with it. All the pieces of my Life puzzle was shuffled and handed over to me in terms of  'Onsite' opportunity..Could not conclude even now whether it is an opportunity or curse ... Yeah in a matter of 12 to 15 months all the chapters of my 24 years journey was overwritten and made upside down... It took quite a time to feel the pinch of 'Loneliness' .. It was altogether a different journey for me, every one and everything was new to me ..The country, people and between these myself .. The transition was incredulous ..

First being lonely was a pain, a challenge and later undeniable fact and now I almost mastered it .. Never imagined such a transition was possible within me...just when I look back and see its just quite amazing ...
Emptiness around me made to search for things and knowledge deep inside me ...Some sort clarity I perceived through it ..

For instance whenever I am down with my thoughts and not left alone , it was made easy for me to come out of that..It was quite easy to just get it diverted ...But I am all alone when I am down with my thought, I had to handle it in on my own... Being lonely made me to think and focus on things which I had never ever dare to touch ...I was forced to face the fact and handle it .. Started thinking deep into the fact , few among many attempts even fetched me with solution

Its very true that this dark shade of loneliness made me to realize the current phase of my life . The truth of simple life and even gave me ' no more a college guy' attitude ...This lonely phase gave me 'What next' attitude .. The hunt of solitude gave a chance to search about my self  recursively .. I saw my world a step back keeping it bit far away from me .. I was able to see my problems lighter and was able to handle it

Lighter moments with the closed ones was missing all the while and even missed most precious occasions .. Almost this journey about to end, but lot of experience to carry forward .. Now just thinking how well  I can adapt to my world of crowd which I was very much used to ...